the will to live.

A SUICIDE NOTE


Most people tell me my problems aren't too big.

    They tell me that wanting to die over losing a guy you love isn't enough.

      They say there are people with bigger problems who go on and fight for their lives,
       while I'm here wanting to waste mine.

              I can almost hear them say I'm so lucky to have a lot in my life.

Well if I'm lucky, I would've known that he was the one I was supposed to be with while I was still with him.

That awful cliché, "You don't know what you've got 'til its gone."

If I'm lucky, I should've known how to keep him. I should have him still, he shouldnt have left.

They say, I'm going to be okay and blahblahBLAH...

But can't they see its exactly why I can't move on, go on, live anymore?

Those people fighting for dear life, they want that. They desire life. They want to be here. But me? I dont want anything. I don't have anymore the will to live.

Lest I have him. Lest he return to me.

Because I used to want a lot in life. I used to desire all that life has to offer. But ever since all that happened, all I want is for him to come back.

"A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate, "Suicide is selfishness." Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one's audience with one's mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it - suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what's selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching. The only selfishness lies in ruining strangers' days by forcing 'em to witness a grotesqueness." — David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)

"[about suicide] And why is it the biggest sin of all? All your life you're told that you'll be going to this marvellous place when you pass on. And the one thing you can do to get you there a bit quicker is something that stops you getting there at all. Oh, I can see that it's a kind of queue­jumping. But if someone jumps the queue at the Post Office, people tut. Or sometimes they say, “Excuse me, I was here first.” They don't say, “You will be consumed by hellfire for all eternity.” That would be a bit strong." — Nick Hornby (A Long Way Down)