On my interlude

I tried to be silent for a while..

I wanted to disappear into the background..

I didn't post anything for quite a while in my social networking sites, I didn't talk to people..

because i wanted to fade.

I was quite sure I didn't want to add more to the footprints that I'll be leaving in this world when the time comes that I have to go.

I just wanted to fade.

Mind you this is not easy. Who wants to be forgotten?

A lot of people are afraid of being forgotten -- its the fear of mortality they say.

But me? I know I just would want people to forget about me once I've caused them the terrible, horrible pain that I would impose upon them.

I want them to forget and to move on...

...as easy as they say it is easy.

BUT MOST OF ALL...

I just didn't want to give them the impression that I'm turning out okay...

                                                                                 that I still want to be here...

                                                                                 that I'm going to live.

Because I'm not and I don't and I won't.

I didn't want them to hope for anything.

I didn't want them to forget that I'm still in pain, that I still want to die, that I still want to leave this world.

I want them to remember...and then to forget.




But on a bit of a brighter sidenote, I'm quite happy that I took time off from my shell for now and with the help of my beloved HS barkada, Frappe..which I think I will tell you about here soon.