The band Callalily played at Plaza Mayor...
"Magbalik" was one of the songs...and it was an insant emo-ment.
It took me back to the night we broke up. Just there at the Lovers' Lane. So I went for a walk alone. There were a group of people sitting on the bench where we sat so I wasn't able to sit there. I just miss you so much.
Then they played "Wala Na Tayo". I didn't like the song before, but when I listened to the music, i just hit me. Because it went like this...
"Alam kong wala na tayo
Alam mong wala na tayo
Alam kong wala na tayo
Di ko na kailangan pang ipilit pa..."
Yes, I know we're through. Soon, I won't be imposing much on you. One last talk is all I ask. I'm waiting for that one last talk before I (force myself with all my might to) let you go.
+++++++
Recently, I keep effin' up my relationships with other people. My family, my friends.
I just keep having these fall outs. The count is at four, most of them my closest. I'm losing them one by one and my world just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
I just keep feeling bad for myself. Nothing works, nothing helps. Maybe I've become such an evil monster.
Sometimes I wonder why some people stick with me. I wonder what they see in me. I want to know, not to brag or feel good about myself, but so that I can never lose that trait, so that I will never change that part of me, so that some people will still stick with me.
On the one hand, I think its good. At least less people would care when I'm gone. Less people I will hurt when I leave this world.
+++++++
When you're not in the same situation you lack the necessary emotion to sympathize/empathize.
When people are in love, they cannot understand how bad the feeling of a brokenheart is, even if at some point in their life they have experienced it. That's okay. That's understandable. Probably because they're currently experiencing love in a good way again. They're on a different plane as you.
Probably because they're present happiness with love has erased all the bitterness of the past.
More and more I realize, everyone has that certain lack to sympathize when they're currently not in the same situation as you. Sure they say they understand, but they don't. They never do. They may have had an almost the same experience. But they never will know maybe even half of what you're going through because they never will know what you're feeling, or they'll never feel what you're feeling.
I have been this person. And I'm sure you have been too.
Every experience is unique. Not only because of the circumstances, but because of the persons experiencing the experience.
Sometimes, individuality ceases to be a gift, and becomes a curse.
+++++++
One thing that will never work for me: TOUGH LOVE.
It's just not in my system.
+++++++
My friend, Jilly, reminded me about a certain book that I've read years ago written by Ricky Lee entitled "Para kay B."
The book has this theory that love has a quota. That in this world, only one out five persons will be happy in love. That four out of those five persons will be devastated by love.
I thought maybe I'm not part of that quota. Maybe I'm one of the four unlucky ones who will never end up with their one true love.
I thought, if I'm not the lucky one in that circle of five, maybe I could just make another person the lucky one. Maybe that's just my role here on earth, to make another person happy, sacrificing my own.
If one day, I'd be that selfless, I think I'd do it.
